An Outcast Wolf in Sheeps Clothing

Are They Genuine or Just Saying the Right Things? If I were a math teacher, I'd correlate this to someone having a cheat sheet for math problems; they'll get it right but they're still clueless as to how it's right. And when it comes to relationships, the cheat codes merely require a few minutes to memorize.

Have you ever met someone who says all the right things—apologies, self-awareness, therapy lingo—but something still feels… off? As a licensed therapist, I’m noticing that people can regurgitate therapy talk – but it’s only because they’ve spent time studying ‘what to say’ vs. doing the work (aka: walking the walk). 

Here are 3 powerful ways to tell if they mean it or if they’re just regurgitating personal growth phrases and saying the right things.

1.Look for Patterns, Not Just Apologies

• A genuine person shows consistent change over time.
• A disingenuous person repeats the same behavior but uses the right words to smooth it over.

2.Emotional Depth, Not Just Vocabulary

• A genuine person can admit mistakes, takes accountability and accepts uncomfortable consequences.
• A disingenuous person either dodges or spins the story to stay the hero or victim.

3.Emotional Reciprocity, Not Just Self-Focus

• A genuine person focuses on the other person’s emotions and needs.
• A disingenuous person makes it all about themselves.

Therapy language can be mimmicked, but emotional depth can’t be faked. 

If you enjoyed this, you may also like the JedSaidTherapy video in the playlist, "your therapy questions answered" and until next time, awareness UP.

Jed Thorpe
​Licensed Therapist

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