First and foremost - any lack of honesty is a lie - a deceit. I believe that nothing bad can come from telling the truth/being honest. I need to preface that because when I discuss the types of liars, the last one to reference sounds like a monster but in reality, they're still humans. Just humans lacking conscious.
I'm going to create a glaze sentence and say that there may be 4 types of liars...yea, I did it. I'm adding another type on the fly (and I didn't even mention this in my youtube video!) and we'll call it the 'casual liar'. This is the guy that doesn't go about with the repeated habitual pattern of lying. I liken this one to my kids, who - ages 7 and 11 are realizing that if they spin the truth a bit, they get out of doing stuff they may not want to do. Is your room clean? "Why yes, it is. I'm going to my friends house now!". This type of liar seems like they're just trying to get out of menial truths - and they're likely attached to their favorite KIND of lie; the "white lie." I didn't name it - it's a horrible name but that topics for another discussion.
#1. Compulsive Liars – These people typically are NOT convincing and easy to spot.
*they ramble, confuse their stories, avoid eye contact, look nervous, etc.
#2. Pathological Liars – These people are actually semi-good liars because they
lie so much that they’re very skilled at it. They can look RIGHT at you while fibbing because they believe their intensity will convince you of the story. This type has been studied for a while and the textbooks tell us that they develop this behavior as a defense to cover up some trauma or avoid something severe in their lives. This type seems more reflexive in their lies (imagine kicking your leg after the doctor smacks the bottom of your knee with that hammer thing - reflex) and with the behavior/deceit stemming from something more than just wanting to deceive, it’s more innocent to me.
Next and the most dangerous
#3. Sociopath Liars – 4% of the population (4 out of 100)
These are the best liars…These are the ones that actually ‘feel’ like they’re
telling the truth. And they fool professionals regularly. Even me. Here’s the thing - They lack empathy so don’t feel shame or guilt or bad for their behaviors. Their actions are based on life being a game that they get to manipulate. "Jed, we ALL manipulate!" Yes, but our manipulations are done with rules in place. The sociopath has no guilt, no shame and no remorse so they're playing by a completely different set of rules. And even after they get caught, they'll just start the whole process of gaining your trust over again and the crazy thing is that people actually let them back in to their lives. Of course, they get burned again, too but that's all part of the game. If you've watched "The Walking Dead", there's a good example of a sociopath story being towards the end...the cheese maker had one locked up in a home-made cell.
I think of sociopaths as rattlesnakes. They are what they are and we can learn a lot from them. But I'm going to stay away from their circle of life as much as I can. Hmm, how cool would it be if the sociopath actually had a warning system in place like the rattlesnake? Maybe I should change my analogy to them being more like black-widows. I once had one of those crawling over my headboard of the bed with my whole family just inches below! I noticed it as I got up to get a drink - talk about crapping my pants...I didn't let on but while my heart was racing out of my chest, I grabbed a shoe and smashed the family killer before they knew what happened. Ok, that was a tangent....back to the subject.
“Martha Stout” Wrote - The Sociopath Next Door - and refers to a rule of 3's.
"One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility
may be a misunderstanding instead. Two may involve a serious mistake.
But three lies says you’re dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of
One doesn't have to be a sociopath to lie a lot - with enough practice, people can numb out their conscience and I wish I knew all of this when I was younger because DAAANG, with hindight being 20/20, the rule of 3's info definitely would have come in handy.
As always, comments are welcome and if you want to see more, check out my youtube.
Jed Thorpe, CMHC